Equilibrium
by Intoleration
Summary: Fifteen years have passed since Chihiro's adventure in another world. Both she and Haku have desperately tried to forget the painful memories, but neither can seem to shake the feeling that something is missing. Will things change when she visits the old "amusement park "in the woods?
1. Chapter 1

For what felt like the hundredth time that hour, Chihiro glanced out the fogged window to look at the world outside as it flashed by in a blur of color. Her forehead rested on the cool glass, chin propped against a lazy hand while her mother rambled on in the driver's seat to her left. She'd stopped listening to her mother long ago, but feigned interest every few minutes by nodding or murmuring a word or two in agreement.

It wasn't as if she didn't enjoy spending time with her mother. It was just that over the past few years, she found it increasingly difficult to pay attention to anybody for any length of time. When she was ten years old, Chihrio assumed that she had just fallen in love with her dream world, and did her best trying to push both the frightening and fond memories from her mind. Eventually, she had succeeded in convincing herself that her adventure had been nothing more than an elaborate daydream; after that, it was easy enough to push her old friends out of her thoughts.

However, something had changed in the past few months. Chihiro couldn't explain this renewed obsession with her childhood fantasy, but she was a little frightened of the emotions that these memories evoked. She was twenty-five now: It had been years since the mysterious dragon-boy and his friends had even crossed her mind. It was ridiculous that she couldn't even concentrate on her mother's voice for more than several minutes before being whisked away to thoughts of enchanted bathhouses and its inhabitants.

Shaking her head in discomfort, Chihiro leaned forward when she felt the car slowing to a gentle stop. She glanced outside the window at her old childhood home, the place that had started her entire adventure to begin with. Climbing out of the car, Chihiro couldn't help but let a shiver course through her body. While their visit was bittersweet- Chihiro and her family were cleaning out the contents of the old house so that it could be sold to new owners- Chihiro couldn't help but feel excited at seeing the place she had grown up one last time.

Her room hadn't changed a bit since she and her parents had moved away. The same olive green wallpaper covered the walls, though it was barely visible underneath the countless drawings and paintings she had used to smother the tiny room. Sketches even littered the floor, and Chihiro felt a pang of nostalgia when she realized what each of her paintings had in common.

Every single one of the pieces was somehow tied to the fantasy world she had created at the age of ten. From the way the sunset glittered on the lake each night, to the various spirits she had encountered during her time working at the bathhouse, there wasn't a single detail of her adventure that hadn't been documented through her artwork. Chihiro paused when she saw a pair of beautiful green eyes peering at her from the wall. They looked so real, so beautiful, just like she remembered. Letting go of her dragon had been the most difficult part of suppressing her obsession with the Spirit World, and even now it hurt to think about him.

Scolding herself for letting her childish fantasies take control again, Chihiro began the process of peeling sketch after sketch from the walls to pile them up in one corner. She wasn't sure what she'd do with them once she'd finished, but she hoped that maybe she'd be able to think more clearly if she weren't surrounded by reminders of what had once taken over her life. However, for some reason, there was one picture that Chihiro just couldn't bring herself to strip away. She fell asleep that night with a pair of foamy green eyes watching over her from the wall.

Later that night, Chihiro woke up to the sound of wind howling against her bedroom window. Unable to sleep with such a racket, she climbed from her bed to make sure that it was securely fastened. However, she couldn't help but pause as she looked over the treetops of her old forest. Somewhere in those trees, the old abandoned theme park was waiting for her. She could picture the grassy plain, crowded shops, and perfectly preserved bathhouse that were hidden within the forest.

She gnawed on her lip for a moment, trying to decide if she really was insane or not. Silently, she grabbed a jacket from the floor and scurried down the stairs, careful not to wake her parents as she closed the door to her house and sprinted in the direction of the forest.

* * *

Over the years, Haku found it easier and easier to lose himself. For a while after Chihiro had left, he'd done nothing but sulk around, miserable at the loss of his closest friend. It was true that he'd had difficulty at first adjusting to his new life free from Yubaba's control; he wasn't used to sleeping when he wanted, eating when he wanted, _doing _what he wanted. He'd nearly gone mad from sheer boredom after realizing that he had nothing to do now that he was no longer required to attend to the witch's every beck and call. Haku had even taken to visiting Kamaji more often, spending hours at a time just listening to the rhythmic clatter of the boiler room.

He enjoyed spending time with the old man, but found that Kamaji just wasn't the company he wanted. He refused to admit that the only person whose company he truly craved was the ten year old girl who had somehow wriggled her way into his thoughts. Instead, Haku busied himself with his studies, absorbing textbooks and documents about the use of magic as if they were nothing. He had learned that apprenticeship to Yubaba wasn't the best way to nurture his sorcery skills, so he chose instead to spend as much time as possible with spirits like Kamaji and Zenbia in the hopes that some of their experience would rub off on him.

However, nothing he tried could bring him the happiness he was so desperately searching. After years of trying to deny the fact that there was something missing in his heart, Haku decided to embrace his more carnal self in the hopes of scratching out his despair at the loss of Chihiro. His dragon couldn't feel, his dragon couldn't hurt. The only time he could truly be happy was flying through the air, asserting his dominance over the skies in a form that couldn't comprehend just how miserable he was.

So Haku spent less and less time as a human and more in the air, eventually forgetting his human nature altogether. It was easier that way. As the years passed and Chihiro's memory faded from his mind, he found it easier to forget why he'd been so miserable in the first place. However, it was impossible for Haku to completely push her from his thoughts. Every now and then, he found himself at the same grassy plain where he had last seen his dearest friend. He would sit and stare at the overgrown tunnel, praying to whatever gods he could that he might catch a glimpse of her figure coming back to him. But nothing of the sort ever happened. It was merely a habit now.

However, he felt that something was different about this visit. He wasn't sure if he could feel it in the stiff wind that tangled his mane, or the stiffness of the grass as it crunched beneath his scaly body. He may have even just imagined it, but he knew somehow that something was about to change.

And then he saw it. Not it, but _her._ His dragon leaped to its feet when it recognized the scent drifting across the open plain. Fifteen years may have passed, but he would never be able to erase her heartbreakingly sweet scent from his memory. Eyes sparkling in excitement, he called out to her, shocked for a moment when his dragon's roar reminded him that he'd forgotten to change back into his human form. It was a shame he'd forgotten to bring an extra pair of clothes on his flight; he'd have to remain a dragon for the duration of their meeting Haku shuffled back and forth from his position across the field while he waited, unable to go any further into the human world.

When he finally saw his old friend step into the light, Haku felt as if the breath had been knocked out of his lungs. He had imagined what she'd look like now that they'd grown up, but never would have realized how stunningly beautiful she would actually be. From the way her chocolate-brown hair fell across her shoulders to the tiny wrinkles near her eyes, Haku was having a difficult time forming coherent thoughts. Could that be the tomboyish ten-year old he'd fell in love with so many years ago?

His mind was racing as she stopped about twenty yards away, glancing around as if in a dreamlike state. Haku willed her to look in his direction, but was shocked when her eyes simply glazed over him without hesitation. It was as if...

Haku's eyes widened when he saw her sit down in the grass and wrap her arms around her thin legs, hugging her knees to her chest. The woman simply sat like that for several minutes, not saying a word, just playing with a strand of grass that rose to tickle the side of her leg. Haku made a low whining sound deep in his throat, hoping to catch her attention, but his suspicions were confirmed when she didn't even acknowledge the sound. She couldn't see or hear him.

Letting out a soft grunt, Haku merely watched her, content to be near her even if she had no idea just how close he was. He wondered why she was finally visiting now, after so many years. His ears pricked forward when he heard her voice cut through the silence; he thought he would never hear her speak again. It took Haku several moments to realize that Chihiro was talking to herself, and by the time this realization hit, he had already missed her first few words.

"-but I don't even know why I bothered to come here. It hurts so much to think that all of it was just a dream, that none of it really even happened." Her voice was but a low whisper, and Haku was forced to strain to catch everything she said. Upon hearing the sadness in her voice, he let out a sharp whimper, distraught at the idea that he was unable to comfort her.

"I guess I thought that once I saw this place, it'd be easier to convince myself again that it was all in my head. It was like I'd gone crazy...I'm sure my parents thought so too. I tried so hard to forget. I really did. I thought I'd managed it, too, but no matter how hard I try, there's one person that I can't let go of."

By this point, tears were streaming down her cheeks in a steady flow. The human side of Haku's mind was a swirl of emotions as he tried to piece together what his friend was saying. Though his dragon couldn't comprehend these emotions, it knew that something was fundamentally _wrong_. The two halves fought continuously while Chihiro continued to speak; Haku was furiously thinking of ways to communicate with Chihiro while his dragon stifled the urge to fly away until the steady ache in its chest was gone.

The girl pressed a hand to her mouth as she choked back a low sob. She had worked herself into a state of confusion, memories clouding her mind with doubt. What if her dream had been real? But surely that was impossible...

For a split second, Chihiro let her inner ten-year old get the best of her. "Haku," she cried, pressing her face against her knees to hide her tearstained cheeks from the empty world around her. "Why didn't you come back for me? You promised we'd see each other again!"

Haku let out a low roar at her words, desperately trying to grab her attention. He was screaming on the inside, it was as if he were being ripped apart. He needed to talk to her, needed her to understand that, try as he might, he was just as skilled at forgetting her as she was forgetting him. He let out another desperate cry, clawing chunks from the ground in his frustration._  
_

Chihiro raised her head as the last bit of energy from her outburst drained away. She was beginning to calm down, unaware of the frantic dragon just feet away from where she sat. Wiping away all traces of her tears, Chihiro stood to her feet and glanced once more around the empty field. She had expected to feel better after visiting the familiar spot. That wasn't the case.

Ever since that day fifteen years ago, Chihiro had avoided returning to the field and what lay beyond it. She had been terrified that she'd discover there really was nothing magical about it after all; she decided it would be better to keep reliving the memories in her head rather than ruin the experience by trying to repeat it. Now that she was older, Chihiro had hoped that visiting the area would make her realize just how foolish her fantasy had been. She hadn't expected the hollow feeling that accompanied this realization.

Haku watched with a sinking feeling of despair as Chihiro slowly turned and made her way across the field, back towards the human world. His entire being froze with terror at the thought of never seeing her again, and he roared with an intensity that he'd never reached before. When his friend still made no move to come back, he transformed into his human self, not caring about his lack of clothing. It didn't matter, if only he could let her know that he was still there.

"Chihiro!" He screamed, but her name came out as a raspy croak after having exhausted his voice with all the roaring. He couldn't let her disappear. Not again.

He rushed forward, stumbling a little as it had been quite a while since he last ran on two legs. Haku reached to grab at her hand, but let out a cry of anguish when his fingers passed through hers as if he were made of nothing but air. "Chihiro," he begged, unable to move any further into the human world. "Please come back, just turn around. Please."

His pleas did nothing to stop the girl in her tracks. Haku was unable to do anything but sit and watch his closest friend walk away from him yet again. He fell to his knees, letting the tears he'd never allowed himself to shed fall freely onto the grass beneath him. When her shadow finally disappeared into the other world, Haku let his dragon take control again. This time, he didn't try and fight the creature's will, but buried himself in it, letting animalistic instinct take over. After all, his dragon couldn't feel. His dragon couldn't hurt.

* * *

**Hey guys, I'm so glad you took the time to check this out! I've recently become obsessed with Spirited Away; I absolutely adore the world and its characters, so I'm really excited to be able to create a story for them. This was originally meant to be just a little one-shot, but I may continue with the story if I have some time to keep writing. (: Thanks.**


	2. Chapter 2

Haku felt as if all the air had been ripped from his lungs after watching Chihiro walk out of his life for the second time. He needed to be alone. He needed to think. He needed Chihiro back. He wasn't sure what he needed anymore.

It had been several hours since the encounter at the field and Haku still hadn't figured out the swirl of emotions that clouded his thoughts. He could separate them easily enough, identifying each specific emotion wasn't that difficult. There was pain, longing, confusion. Those were simple, fleeting emotions that he could lock up and ignore and then endure living with for the next fifteen years if necessary. No problem. There was, however, a particularly peculiar feeling that was more difficult to fight. It was something he hadn't been forced to deal with the last time Chihiro had left, something he wasn't even sure he wanted to fight.

Happiness. Ecstasy. Pure, unadulterated joy that bubbled from the pit of his stomach and seeped outward to the rest of his limbs. Sure, he was upset that Chihiro had once again vanished into the human world, but the feelings of despair were drowned out by the lightness he felt. She remembered him. She hadn't forgotten. She hadn't moved on.

Unable to contain his excitement, Haku let out an earth-shattering roar from the deep within his chest. The sound was throaty as his voice was still hoarse from his encounter with his friend, but was laced with an intensity he'd been unable to achieve in the past fifteen years. It was as if a weight had been lifted and he could finally breathe again. The despair he had once felt over the loss of Chihiro was largely due to the fear that she would move on. It was so easy to imagine her growing up, meeting someone else, letting all thoughts of her fantasy world slip away until they really were nothing but fantasy.

But now he knew for certain that Chihiro had been unable to forget him in the same way he couldn't bring himself to get over her. That changed things. He wasn't sure how, but he knew something was different.

Before even deciding where he was going, Haku felt his dragon begin the slow descent towards the ground. He took in the familiar surroundings and sighed inwardly. Haku knew this was where he needed to be, he just hadn't planned on a visit to Zeniba quite so soon.

* * *

Morning came all too early for Chihiro. The sun blinded her through the cracks in the curtains while birds chirped happily outside her window. Moaning a half-heartedly, the girl pulled the blanket over her head and rolled over in an attempt to snatch just a few more minutes of peace before the day began. Her sleep was quickly interrupted by the sound of her mother barging into the room.

"Chihiro, how can you still be in bed this late in the afternoon? From the way you're lazing around, you'd think that you had spent the entire night romping around outside!"

Her mother paused to dodge the pillow Chihiro had hurled in her direction before continuing her rant. "Look, I don't want you to lay around in bed all day. It's just not _healthy_ for a girl your age to sleep that much. I want you up and out of bed before I have to come back, alright?"

The woman waited for the muffled grunt from her daughter's direction. "You've already slept through breakfast, but I should have lunch ready soon enough. Now get up Chihiro, I mean it."

After hearing her mother's footsteps fade away, Chihiro forced herself to open her eyes and remember the night's events. Everything seemed a little foggy. It felt as if she'd just woken up from an especially exhausting dream. She couldn't label the feeling as "bad" or "good", she just felt completely drained of energy. Sliding towards of the bed, Chihiro let her feet rest on the floor while she mustered the motivation to get out of bed. She had been so warm and cozy snuggled up in the warmth of her blanket that she had a difficult time pulling herself away.

Blinking away the last bits of sleep, Chihiro's gaze settled on the sneakers piled against the foot of her bed. Puzzled, Chihiro reached down to pick one up. She always took her shoes off as soon as she walked in the house. She was clueless as to why would she have worn these inside, especially since they were covered in mud and wet grass. It took only moments before memories from the previous night flooded her mind. Finding her old hideout. Sitting in the grass. Crying for her old friends. Returning home brokenhearted when nothing happened.

The girl was snapped from her thoughts at the sound of her mother's angry voice from downstairs. Hurriedly shoving the dirty sneakers under her bed, Chihiro scurried out the door before her mother became too upset.

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Chihiro felt as if she were in a daze. She wasn't sure what she'd expected when she ran to the field in the first place, but it certainly hadn't been nothing. She had just wanted some sort of comfort, some assurance that what she remembered really wasn't all just some childish fantasy. Just a glimpse of the sparkling water, a whiff of the exquisite food roasting on open fires, the sound of a frog spirit croaking in complaint. Anything would have been better than the quiet she'd been met with.

Chihiro helped her mother with the chores absentmindedly, her thoughts far away from the tasks at hand. She allowed herself to relive each precious memory from her fantasy world. While her overall adventure had been excited, she missed the smaller moments the most. Those rare moments when Haku would flash a smile in her direction. The time Rin stayed up late helping braid her hair. That day she and No-Face had nearly destroyed Zeniba's kitchen while trying to bake a simple cake. Those memories were the worst. Those were the ones that kept her up at night, the ones that brought confusion and grief and heartache when she realized that they might not even be real.

She was jerked back to reality by a loud crash as the box she'd been holding slipped from her grasp and tumbled to the ground. Chihiro sent her mother an apologetic glance before bending down to make sure nothing had been broken. Luckily, she'd only been carrying a few books and other non-fragile items, so her clumsiness was quickly forgiven.

"Chihiro, I don't know what's wrong with you. You've been acting weird all day, is there anything bothering you?" Chihiro felt her mother's worried stare bore into her back as she finished carrying her box to the car.

"No, mom, I'm fine." She mumbled, reaching down for another box. It was unusual for her mother to be so concerned, usually the woman simply overlooked any abnormalities in her daughter's behavior. It was a habit she had started after Chihiro's "silly creative" phase drew to a close. Chihiro figured that she'd put her mother under so much stress that the woman finally decided her daughter wasn't worth losing so much sleep over. It wasn't long before her mother revealed the real reason for feigning interest her daughter's well being.

"I just wanted to make sure you were feeling okay, especially since I arranged a little surprise for you tonight. It's been so long since we've visited, I figured I'd go ahead and invite Jeremy over for dinner tonight. That's alright with you, right dear?"

Chihiro froze, her entire body locking in place at the mention of her old friend. Truthfully, she'd almost completely forgotten about the boy who had picked up the pieces of her shattered world after that adventure in the forest. Ever since her family moved away when she was eighteen, she hadn't even spared him a passing thought.

"Y-yeah that's fine," she said, unable to hide the shock in her voice. "A little warning would have been nice, but I guess it would be nice to see him again after so long."

Her mother smiled, happy with her response. Chihiro stopped listening when her mother continued to gush about how charming the boy was, how she had once thought the two would grow up and get married one day. She'd heard it all before anyway. Her thoughts were instead focused on the last time she'd seen Jeremy- the night before her family left for good. The experience hadn't been a pleasant one. She vaguely recalled yelling at the boy. Slapping him. Crying for days about the way their friendship fell apart in a matter of minutes. Something along those lines.

She added Jeremy as one more item on her list of things to worry about.

* * *

"Look, Haku, we've talked about this before. There really isn't anything-" Zeniba's words were cut short as Haku stood angrily to his feet for what must have been the fifth time that hour.

"No, Zenbia, you don't get it! The last time we talked, you told me that you wouldn't bring her back because you weren't confident she would _want _to come back. I didn't like it, but I accepted it. It wouldn't have been fair to rip her away from her world if she had been adjusting perfectly to her old lifestyle. But Zeniba, that was five years ago! It's different now! She isn't adjusting. She isn't happy there. She hasn't forgotten us, so why is it fair that you're forcing us to forget her?"

The old woman stared at the enraged dragon pacing around in her living room. His nose flared, his fists clenched into fists, his strides angry. Haku was every inch the intimidating beast she knew he could be, yet the woman felt only pity when she met his distraught gaze. She had made him promise once before that he would stop pestering her about her granddaughter, but evidently the dragon felt it necessary to break that promise one more time.

Unable to say no to such a pitiful stare, Zeniba sighed, shaking her head. "I just know that this is going to be a bad idea," she murmured, rising to her feet with a great deal of effort. Her old age was catching up to her, and she had a feeling that the troublesome dragon and his friend were draining years off her life.

She felt Haku's strong grip around her arm, looked up into his green eyes. What she saw there almost broke her heart on the spot. "Zeniba, I know I told you I wouldn't ask again. But I really think this will work. Please, Zeniba, just give it a chance. How bad could it possibly be?"

* * *

**A/N: Hi again! Now that it's summer, I finally have some more time to write. I really wanted to explore this story, but please hang in there with me because I have no clue where I'm actually going with any of it. (AKA: It might be a while between updates while I try and figure out what I'm doing here). Also, please, please, please excuse my writing for the next few chapters. It's been ages since I've bothered to write anything and I know my skills have really deteriorated over the past few months but with a little more practice all the rustiness will be gone. Thanks to everybody who reviewed the story, your comments really just make my day whenever I see them. Okay I'll shut up now, I promise to keep these notes to a minimum but I just had a lot to say.**


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